bus-small.jpg I’m no stranger to buses:  I used to take them in St. Louis when I went to SLU for a year, used them for 4 years when I lived in Madison, and rode buses all over the world in my “former life.” The rides (and especially the waits) weren’t all pleasant either: people asking for money, guy relieving himself in stop while standing right next to me, freaks & geeks, etc.

Recently, I rode a St. Louis bus for the 1st time in 25 years. I swear that all of the following happened:

-An alcoholic bookworm sat next to me and kept asking about my book, asking if I’d read X and Y authors, etc. After he found out the author I was reading, he also tried to remember (for the rest of the ride—out loud) the name of a book he thought I’d like (knowing me so well into his 15 min. conversation at me). He finally thought of the name as he was (literally) getting off the bus and yelled it back to me (FYI, it’s called “The Last Cato” and it was actually pretty good).

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-A woman with SEVEN kids following her walked across the MIDDLE of Chippewa, causing the driver to have to screech on the brakes (and the alcoholic to say that the ped. was probably trying to get hit and has a lawyer’s card in her pocket, just waiting to sue Metro).

<Note: the woman I saw actually wore something similar to this Masai outfit, but the kids were in “U.S.-type duds” & were walking across a busy car-filled city street with buildings during rush hour.>

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-A man with a protective helmet who’d entered the bus apparently started having a seizure. When a nurse aboard asked if he was okay, he said no, and the driver called into Metro. I asked the nurse how to handle seizures. She said put a stick in his mouth and lay him on his side but she wure wasn’t gonna do CPR w/out the mask thing.

<Helmet was similar to this, but w/more padding, no happy kid>  

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Alcoholic guy told me I have to be careful about being a good Samaritan because this state has laws about that and I could get sued. Said he used to have a CPR kit but that his former room mate stole it when he stole all the rest of his stuff. Helmet guy stopped having his seizure. I asked him if he was okay, and he said ‘yes’ with a look that said ‘What are you talking about, you moron?’ I ignored his subsequent head bangs on the window.

-For the rest of the day I smelled like I’d been drinking and smoking and/or hadn’t showered in quite a while.

All that before 8am was a bit much to take, so that will be my LAST ride on a bus for a long long long time.

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