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Today I was told I “scare” a close relative who’s only a few years older than me, who I worshipped as a child (including wanting her braces and glasses—be careful what you wish for!) since we are so close in age, and who I just love to death.

She lives out of town now so we don’t really talk much. Plus we took dramatically different paths in life (she’s married w/5 kids & mostly stayed at home, I’m single w/0 kids and don’t eat if I stay at home), and we just sort of got separated. At least that’s what I thought. Maybe she’s been avoiding me?!

When we do talk, religion and politics are basically the only things I avoid discussing with her, but I usually avoid those with anyone unless asked or unnecessarily provoked. We were never best friends or anything but I always felt like we got along.

I mean, jeez, I know I have some strong opinions but I am so nice! I’m funny, sensitive, smart, love kids and most animals, will bend over backwards to help you, and am as loyal as the day is long. My co-workers, most friends and many family members seem to like me.

Seriously, what is it?! I guess if you eff with me too much I can be scary, but isn’t everyone that way? <And no, I don’t feel like everyone effs with me.>

And yeah, I lay on the horn even more since I quit smoking, and I certainly lose my temper on occasion, but I haven’t ever lost it on her. Hell, if anything I usually turn it inward and get more introspective. Maybe that’s scary.

I guess I might have a “big mouth,” if that’s what you call someone who can assert her opinions and laughs loudly. Whatever.

I also have people tell me they come to me when they want a straight-shooter and an honest opinion. Does that make me scary?

I just don’t understand some things. I guess that old cliché* about us being blindest to ourselves is true. Or maybe it’s that the quiet “inside-ness” of winter is making me more introspective than usual, and I am simply overly-introspecting today.

I’m going to go find some fresh daffodils tomorrow—those always cheer me up. I just hope I don’t scare them to death…

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*I think that’s a cliché. If not, I just made one up.

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