I was all excited about looking forward to wearing my new u-wear today. I got it on sale, it has no lines to show through, I needed more anyway, style is different, blah blah blah.

It’s a new style for me, the “boyshort.” I won’t go into my underwear preferences (yeah yeah, I know: “Why stop now Marie/y? You tell us every other TMI detail?”) <previous post about same>

(In hindsight, I think this was the style — and my body — that I saw in my mind’s eye when I bought them.)

So I wore them all day, no lines, they didn’t bunch, no belly over-rolls, I loved the color (dark brown). I couldn’t have been happier with them—until I got home, changed into my play clothes and caught myself in the mirror.

OMG they are granny garments. I looked like a freakin’ granny. Or a 10-year old with no taste. I was absolutely aPPALLED when I saw myself in the mirror.

(what I GOT, although the flat 18″-torsoed model makes them look acceptable here if not cute, and I didn’t buy white — borrring on pale caucasian skin)

The only difference between these and what I wore as a (not – too – hip – didn’t – have – a – say – in – the – purchase – anyway – they – just – magically – appeared – underwear) 10 year old was that my belly button showed more in these, these have a hell of lot more lycra, and I AM FAT now.

(I remember solid colored ones in this style.)

Holy crap! It’s a good thing I’m not dating anyone right now, ’cause one look at those bad boys and he’d be outta here. Have I sufficiently conveyed the degree of my shock and awe?! Reality was harsh. I don’t like harsh.

(I think this is really how they looked on me even though the 2nd ones shown are literally the same brand & style I bought)

In fairness to myself (lovingkindness, lovingkindness), if I still was built like my youngest sister they’d probably be cute, but as it is, I am either a 10-year old or a grandma — I’m not sure which. Why in the hell do I bother going to the gym if it’s all just gonna fall to my knees anyway?!

Between the “girls” and the rest of my torso falling I am just going to stop wearing a bra, go commando and start wearing a mumuu (sp?). I’d be a hell of a lot more comfortable and it’s not like you could tell the difference between my boobs and my thighs anyway, since I realized this evening that they kind of meet in the middle (i.e.-my gut).

No wonder women have lipo , boob lifts and tummy tucks?! It’s not so much about looking old. OK, who am I kidding? Of course it is, but really it’s more about: who the hell wants to look at the uni-torso in the mirror? ‘

Especially when you still feel so 18-year old on the inside — semi-cliché alert: (a) youth (ful body) is wasted on the young.