I heard a story that resonated with me on (where else) NPR. Link: Celebrate World Naked Gardening Day

The story was about nude gardening day. <Editorial comment: every day is now a holiday for something.>

While I do garden (more accurately described as “keeping weeds at bay”) I do it with substantially more clothes on than a nude gardener would.

Not that I’m not open to seeing the upended butt of a gardener whose boobs or whose “what-not” dangle on the ground as they garden — whatever — but I have a recent personal experience that is a predictor of what would happen if I gardened nude.

Some of the practical implications of me gardening nude include:

  • permanently scarring neighborhood children or worse, just having them laugh
  • causing the neighborhood prude (who mows the lawn in closed-toe shoes, industrial strength noise-blocking headphones like these: , long sleeves and pants, a full face and head covering hat, gloves, and goggles) call the cops
  • more real estate exposed for mosquito attacks
  • more real estate for more scratches by the Rudbeckia (which I’m allergic to)
  • new areas (on me) to be cut, get a thorn in, spray water on unexpectedly

and the worst:

  • more real estate that I can’t put sunblock on, i.e. — sunburn — a — rama.

Oh, so back to my recent personal experience.

The first nice weekend this spring I puttered outside in the weed patch garden. Not surprisingly, even though I stretched, I’m in adequately moderately pretty good shape, took advil before and after, but I still ached (I did a lot) so I put these analgesic patches on my lower back and spine.

The next morning I took off the patches before getting into the shower and noticed redness. I thought maybe I’d just left them on too long, even though this hadn’t happened before.

I didn’t look again until later, when it kept itching.

I had a 3″ tall red line across the bottom of my waistline, in places I knew the patches hadn’t been placed.

It took awhile to figure this out, but I realized I was sunburned!

I had gotten a semi – plumber’s – butt sunburn!!!

Now based on that one experience (which has never happened in all my years of gardening — I’d never worn low-cut pants with a short shirt…?? Hard to believe…) what would happen if I frequently gardened au natural?

My god, I would be in the hospital with 3rd degree burns, wouldn’t be able to wear clothes (on my backside anyway) and would be pale in front (or worse, also be burned like that in the front). Plus all the other stuff I listed above.

Generally speaking I’m pretty liberal, but sometimes it’s okay to be conventional.