Our local weekly newspaper (although how it can be called a newspaper but only come out once a week defies logic) does a weekly roundup of “crimes” and police calls for several local ‘burbs.

There’s one ‘burb in particular — I’ll call it Hill Rock to maintain its anonymity — whose beat reporter and/or whose cops are hiLARious.

I’ve talked about it before (see Crime in the ‘hood!) but have been collecting it weekly since then. Since I have accumulated so many I’ll just post one or 2 when I am too lazy to come up with something myself my creativity is at a lull.

So, in no particular order…

1. Police were called about someone “‘hopping around like a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest,’ police said. Officers found a local man just having fun, and told him to leave the area. The man was last seen skipping down the school’s driveway.”

2. Police were called about someone going door to door “to practice a speech…Officers arrived quickly to speak to the great orator. The man…was advised that if he was soliciting he would need a city permit. The man said he would never solicit…”

3. Yet…they were called back shortly about the same guy, who was now a block away. “The officer questioned the resident and learned the subject was trying to sell magazines. He was arrested…and treated to the accommodations of the ‘gray bar hotel.'”