I have a math problem. And it’s a revolting math problem to boot: When do you count a dead m/vole as one dead m/vole and when do you count it as 1/2 a dead m/vole?

All that’s left on the back porch are, um, the innards. Yeahhh, I can’t wait to clean that up. Which is why I’m writing this instead…

Since, to my knowledge, there is no how – many – parts – of – a – mole/vole – count- as – an – entire – m/vole rule book (but tell me if there is one) I’m going to take the higher number and use it in the summer count (click on summer m/vole count category if you don’t know what I’m referring to).

I think I can justify counting it as one by pointing out that cleaning up bloody guts is way more disgusting than cleaning up “just” the carcass.

Plus, since I’m the only one I know of who’s doing the summer m/vole count, I think I can make up my own rules regardless.

God I don’t want to go out there.

I just want to know “Why?”

What makes a cat (that eats an animal’s head and tail) “just say no” to its innards? Did he smell something icky in the innards that made him say “No, I don’t think I’m eating the innards tonight”?

Or was he just too full after eating the head, the tail, the arms and legs, skin, etc. and just decided to save the guts for later? No, that couldn’t be: it was Bubba. He’s never met a food item he didn’t eat too much of.

If I were a conspiracy theorist/anthropomorphist I would say the cats are mad at me because I’m dog-sitting this w/end so they’re telling me they’re p.o.’d by leaving the guts behind because they know I hate gut cleanup duty the most.

But that implies they have a moral compass, which is clearly not the case, or they never would have put me in this position to begin with.

Plus, it was Bubba who did this. And come on — he’s just not smart enough to have a moral compass. He can barely find the litter box.

Therefore, I hereby count this as summer m/vole number 6. But I’d count it as 526 if grossness were a relevant factor.