Let’s say, hypothetically of course, that someone says to you: “You’re so sarcastic.”

How would you reply? These are the first retorts I thought of:

  • “Really? You know, I don’t think anyone’s ever mentioned that.”
  • “No kidding…”
  • “Ya think so??”
  • “I know, but it happens only when I’m around idiots.”
  • “Really? What makes you say that?”
  • “What was your first clue?”
  • “And your point is….?”
  • “Thank you.”

I mean seriously, how can you possibly respond to that?! No matter what you say it’ll come off as sarcastic, which is what they’ve just told you you were anyway. So if you answer you basically just confirm what they’ve told you…

If you have a non-sarcastic response (can’t possibly be interpreted as sarcastic) to that question I would love to hear it.

Best answer wins the contest, and the coveted “NADA” prize.*

Deadline for retorts is Tues., 8/26, my dad’s 70th birthday. You are not eligible if you have to look up the meaning of “retort.”

And you can’t kiss up and say one of mine is what you’d say. Well, I might be willing to relax that rule, but only if you can guarantee the recipient won’t take it in a sarcastic manner. And good luck with that.

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*”No Award Don’t Ask”

**Idea stolen with pride from Omar, who probably stole it from someone else too

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