Dear Government,

Since you’re going to assist so many dumbass greedy stupid naive people with their mortgages soon, I was hoping you could spare a little extra for people like me, who have never missed or been late with a mortgage payment in the last 15 1/2 years.

To accomplish that I’ve made sacrifices, like:

  • having a small one bedroom house, where I’ve converted the dining room into an office/dining room
  • not fixing the leaky tub
  • driving a car ’til it dies (not that I’d get a new one all the time anyway, but would like the option)
  • not going to Europe since I changed careers
  • not enough vacations in the Caribbean or even in Mexico, PR, the USVI or the BVI
  • not owning a house by the beach
  • pink salmon fixtures in a blue-tiled bathroom…’nuff said
  • not getting new kitchen counter and floor
  • not converting screen porch to a 4-season room
  • still postponing cove molding
  • not putting more into my 401(k) (where I lost ~20% last quarter thank you very much)
  • not re-plastering bedroom and painting
  • not installing solar tubes to give me more light
  • have a falling down back wall not having new hardscaping in front and back yards
  • not sending parents on a really great trip
  • not as much charitable giving as I’d like
  • no LCD HDTV mounted on the wall (although I might cave before you get a chance to pay me)
  • not getting new Blackberry Storm and the mandatory data plan you have to get
  • no boob lift, personal trainer, massage every week, etc.
  • Hell I can’t even afford the Pilates my doctor said I should do.

I would like all this and more, but since I’ve been responsible for the past 15+ years I am instead going to bail out some dimwit who didn’t make a budget, figure out how much they could actually afford, got an ARM mortgage without researching the risks, etc.

So I think it’s my turn now. You don’t have to bail me out and give me all of the above. I don’t have to have it all. I would just like a little more.

Oh, and did I mention that until 8 years ago I worked 2 jobs (1 full time, 1 part time)?

Since it clearly pays to be irresponsible and/or stupid should I stop paying my mortgage now and be in arrears and then have you help me?

Or will you just and cut me a check since I’m asking really nicely and am being proactive?

I think I know the answer but please confirm, ok? Thanks!

Love, Marie/y