I just love how Hill Rock describes its crimes in the weekly crime report area of the local (really local) rag.

Recent submissions:

Officers on patrol Dec. 9 observed two local pharmaceutical peddlers hawking their wares in the frigid weather on the Hill Rock  side of <removed> Avenue. This being a big no-no, the dedicated officer left his vehicle and gave chase to the scoundrels. The bad guys had a head start, however, and left the officer in their dust as they disappeared in between houses to the east.

This being a big no-no?  gave chase to the scoundrels? left the officer in their dust? Granted I’m easily amused but that is just not what you’d normally expect from the police blotter. So much personality!

Here’s another one:

…officers on patrol caught several capricious youths standing around in the middle of the 600 block of <same street as above!>. It seemed that the kids were up to no good, so the officers advised them to move on before they could pull any shenanigans.

Shenanigans?! I guess it must have been Officer Seamus O’Brien on duty that night.