Coupon


was the dollar I spent to have the little girl behind me come retrieve the dead bird off the back porch and then finding that since this morning “it was gone” from under the plant on the porch. Just gone.

Of course I know something ate it, but I am choosing to not think about it any further.

She is the youngest and was SO excited to be the first to volunteer and not be superceded by an older sibling, and of course by knowing she’d get paid for her “troubles.” She was genuinely disappointed we couldn’t find it, and matter-of-factly said that Girl or the cats probably ate it, but she wasn’t so disappointed that she forgot to ask if she’d be paid anway.

Of course she was gonna get paid—can’t you see the “I’m a sucker for a cute kid” tatoo on my forehead?!

Those kids are making a fortune off me, and not even for anything really “beneficial” to me, like cleaning the gutters or raking or something. It’s all in dead animal removal (or as a consolation when the dead animal’s been made gone already).

Not that I don’t appreciate it, mind you,* especially since I’ve already used my sister’s birthday present coupons for dead animal removals (and then some).

Thank god I can get rid of the m/voles myself or I’d be so poor I’d have to eat the damn things for nourishment.

*See this post for just one such incident: Yes, lightning can strike twice…or more.

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Today’s dead animal of the day is a beheaded mole/vole on the back porch. (I don’t think it has a head anyway). I HATE getting rid of these things of course (like anyone would like getting rid of 1/2-eaten animal bits?!).

The real a**-froster of all of this is that I’ve had my neighbor over, my dad, one sister, 3 window installation people <on 2 different days>, and the guy that cuts my lawn, and I have not asked ANY of them to remove it for me.

And even though GN, the dead animal whisperer, gave me a birthday cuepon* for “1 dead animal removal,” I’ve already told her there’s no way I’m cashing it in.

She spent 6+ hours on my *&^%’ing wireless connection and is always helping me with one thing or another. Nor will I ask my dad, who’s spent at least that long on my network connection, and who walks my dog as faithfully as my mail carrier delivers mail.

Instead, I’m sucking it up and ignoring it until I’m damn good and ready. And believe me, I’ve had corpses have remained in situ until they crumble into ashes. Although I just remembered I was going to clean the porch this w/end.

So I guess I can’t avoid it much longer. Plus, I really don’t want to step on another little mole/vole corpse–the last time almost became therapy issue #764,321.

*As you may be aware, I’m on a personal crusade to rid the world of pronouncing “coupon” <from the French “couper”, to cut> as “cuepon.” For my birthday my sister, a fellow crusader, gave me a box labeled “CUE-pon-o-rama” with coupons ranging from “laptop wireless setup” to “grocery shopping” to “Ted Drewes run.”