Gifts


Mine is brown.

I have avoided malls for the last several years (but ESPECIALLY at Christmas) by getting things online or buying at small local stores, Target being THE MAJOR exception.

“Shop” is not a verb to me, it’s a noun. I don’t shop—I go TO the shop. If I have to go to a store, I know where I’m going and what I’m getting. I get the hell in and get the hell out—no effing around.

At the end of December my uncle is getting married and I am sick of my wedding/funeral dress.

And I have this pair of shoes I love (did you know I am a recovering shoe whor*?), but I’ve only worn them once, to my sister’s wedding 2 years ago.

They’re too dressy for work and I don’t get out very much, so I haven’t worn them since Em’s wedding. Since my uncle’s wedding is a great reason (i.e.-the only reason I have) to wear them, I decided to find a new outfit to match them.

Well, I don’t know what the hell is up with me but I have made a few trips to department stores this week and bought:

  • 3 bras (technically 4 but I’m returning 1) Brett, I know you’ll comment on that.
  • 3 “shirts to work out in” <she says, sitting on her a** on gym night>
  • 1 cotton taupe hoody & pants to work out in <see above>
  • 1 “it’s just so cute and on sale and I must have it even though it’s basically the same as the previous outfit only the taupe is just a little darker and these are made of fuzzy warm velour” hoody & pants.
  • 1 sweater that actually will be used and useful and was on major sale.
  • And the coup de gras: aI’ll wear this once a year at the most but when I need it I’ll really need it, I can rationalize it because I’ve had my old trench coat for ~20 years and I’m sick of it dammit, the price is reduced about 65%, it goes great with my ‘wedding shoes,‘ I love and must have it at any price  brown dress coat <pictured>.

I might have to sleep in it to reduce the cost-per-wearing, and I need more brown like I need more weight, but there was just no question it was going home with me. And why can’t I be like this in other areas of my life?!But wait! There’s more! (or less, depending how you look at it)! Not only did I get all of the above, but I also looked at >1 store and didn’t find any, uh-nightwear, robe, jeans, a “practical coat I can wear every day to work but that’s not as heavy as my winter coat” coat, or socks.

I did not even look for Christmas presents for others.

Oh! And I almost forget to mention: I haven’t found anything to wear to the flippin’ wedding yet!

Seriously, though—I hate shopping.

Mine is brown.

<addendum 12/13/07> So much for the “cool factor”—Wore new sweater to work and had co-worker point out there was a tag on it still…

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That title doesn’t look right. It’s not like it’s imperative you know these things right now; it’s more that I would like you to understand what’s going on in my head right now. Being the wordy person I am, it just came out that way and now I think I’m stuck with it.

I guess I could change it to (say) “Right now: what you need to know about me,” which sounds like every book that’s come on the market in the past 5 years. Have you noticed that? More and more have this format— “EXCITING TITLE <colon>: a really long explanation about what the book is actually about that’s rarely less than 2 clauses long.”

Anyway, back to my real point—me:

-I have either the plague or a cold. Remember how I said I hadn’t been eating well or sleeping enough? (See the last What you need to know about me right now). Yeah, well despite 2 whole nights in a row of 8 1/2—9 hours sleep I am sick. I am biserable.

-Ironically, today it’s 4 years 11 months since I quit smoking “to increase my health.” (That’s worked out well, hasn’t it?) I still managed to gulp down eat my anniversary Ted Drewes Concrete to also “increase the amount of fluids in my system” (Oreo extra Oreo, for those who want to bring me one on my death sick bed).

-Work is not easing up even though my cellmate cubemate and I were told that “things really quiet down in Dec.” We’re thinking they must mean it’s quiet on Dec. 25.

-I am 44 years old and my mother had to call me and “gently remind” me to return the RSVP to my uncle’s wedding. That is just beyond sad and lame on my part.

-For the last several dozen few years I’ve put something like this on RSVPs (when I finally do return them) under ‘number of guests’: “One, but I reserve the right to bring a husband/significant other should I find one between now and your event.” Well, how fun that I just returned an RSVP and didn’t have to include my standard note. NO I’m not married, but I am going with my sig ot.

-Why is it that I want to buy myself more presents right now instead of presents for others?! This happens every year. I can think of 50 things I want but have I started thinking about what others want? No, not so much.

gps.jpg

Please tell me why I should not buy the Garmin StreetPilot c340 Traffic-Ready Vehicle GPS Navigator that would “only” cost $200. (after my $25. Amazon gift card) even though I am saving for tuck-pointing, painting, tree removal, floor refinishing, plaster repair, just got new tires, was the only person in the county whose property taxes stayed the same because she has so much work to do on her house, hasn’t fully saved the requisite 6 months’ salary in case she is ever unemployed, hasn’t paid OFF her car yet even though it’s 10 years old and is probably worth less the the StreetPilot C340 itself (no, I just got new tires), oh and who is going on a warm-weather-vacation-to-points-unknown soon…

…and who is trying to refrain from her objects owning her (allegedly according to: Realization #99999999, An example of sweating the small stuff , and numerous conversations with self) has made conscious attempts to change my mindset about accumulating and frugality (or at least mindful spending), living a greener life (for real and not just ’cause it’s hip right now Cheap thrills or lame thrills?) , trying not to be materialistic, and whose mother calls her a “minimalist” as though it’s a bad thing.

My biggest justification/rationalization is, well, I just keep getting lost: Not only on my North Carolina trip (ever-so-briefly discussed here Day 4 04-10 Durham, Chapel Hill, Raleigh, Cary–sort of–Motel Hell8cious even though I bought this damn laptop and started this blog specifically to share it (trip adventures) with people (HA!)), but I even get lost or discombobulated daily. To places I know how to get to.

Like my own sister’s house: Sure I know where she lives, but I have a hard time with the whole “getting there from HERE” part of driving. If I go there from my parents’ I go one way, if I leave from my house it’s another way, from somewhere else it’s another way, etc.

I just can’t seem to mentally (or immediately) plot out the best way on the fly. I get halfway somewhere and go “Now why didn’t I go that way?” Invariably going “that” way would’ve saved time, aggravation, traffic, idling, etc. I go 2 miles around only to find I have gone in a big circle. It’s stupid stuff I should be embarrassed to admit, but I think it does bolster my rampant consumerist case of yearning-for-no-good-reason.

And most of the 854 reviews for it on Amazon say how easy it is to use, and it tells you the specific streets to turn at (not just “Turn right in 300 yards.” <If I could gauge 300 yards myself I wouldn’t need the damn thing.>

Now that I’m a contractor I won’t get a bonus, and (while I for now think it unlikely) I could technically be let go any day, and this is something I want (not ‘need’).

I guess I could die tomorrow and I’d either 1. wish I’d bought it ’cause what the hell, or 2. thought about how you can’t take it with you.

Oh, the conflicts of a modern citizen…

pigs_flying.jpgThe link below summarizes my friend K’s and my history quite well but I need to suck you in first so you go check it yourself, right?

We’ve known each other since we were 13’ish. I met her at M’s house and they were listening to Peter Frampton’ live album in Pat’s room (his walls were painted black—if only I’d figured out then what I found out later—well, ’nuff said).

If you’ve never heard of Frampton don’t tell me, but here’s something I wrote about him a few months ago: Dinosaurs in the midst

I remember writing in my diary about being unhappy (read: jealous) that M. had “some girl” in over and they were listening to the album M. had promised we would listen to together. Oh the nerve!

Over time we’ve remained friends through thick and thin. It’s the type of friendship we can just pick up where we last left off, whether it was 5 minutes ago or 5 months ago. How many people can you do that with?

We were born a week apart, and she’s an extended member of my family. She and my mom were pregnant at the same time. K. got married soon after that and frankly, that marriage was doomed from the start. ‘Nuff said…

When she got out of that marriage she didn’t even have to say it, but we both knew she was never gonna get married again. Knowing what she’d been through I couldn’t blame her.

She moved to Santa Fe a few years ago, but we’ve stayed in touch, but since we sometimes go months without talking, I was stunned when she called to tell me she was getting married.

I was so happy for her. For her to even want to get married said it all! I tried like hell to get out there, but with my budget I couldn’t get any further than Atlanta, and that was the wrong direction.

Not only was Atlanta the wrong direction but she was so inflexible about moving her wedding to Altanta that I had to send a proxy instead.

You know that expression about something happening ‘when pigs fly’? Well, if this wedding wasn’t proof that pigs could fly I don’t know what is.

Hence the gift, and hence the special page just for me and the special video just for me. Being all hormonal <connected story here: That darn cat*> I could just cry again to think about it, but don’t worry, you’ll smile when you check it out.

Here’s the link. Since the page is all about me and I crave attention right now please take a look at it. It’s also entertaining and is a special tribute from a special friend.

Happy life to Karen and Tom!

You might have to cut and paste this into your browser: http://home.earthlink.net/~tomandkarenwaters/id10.html

robo.jpgOh why wasn’t this available when I was a kid? http://www.hammacher.com/publish/11036.asp?promo=QSearch&ls=DR 

For those who don’t remember, this is the coveted Lost in Space robot. The one that says all those memorable phrases like “Danger Will Robinson,” “That does not compute.” The repro’d. one has an additional 509 phrases by the ORIGINAL voice of the robot from the tv series.

Oh! And did I mention that it has the rotating torso, flashing lists in the head, and the claw hands?!?

But wait—there’s more! For those of you looking for your “brush with greatness” moment, MY childhood best friend’s dad knew the robot voice guy. Idon’t know if that’s true or not, but I believed it then. I will be looking for a reality check on this fact from my childhood friend and her family, who I will email separately because I don’t think they really read this.

Now, here’s the kind of down side to this eagerly-anticipated-highly-sought-after-potential-Xmas gift: it costs 24,500 dolla… Yeah, I know—seriously—sigh. Of course that comes with a dedicated help line, but still…

Yet, I will ask for it for my 45th bday in Feb., because as my friend Ann (who also doesn’t read this blog) says, “Go big or go home.”**

                                           cast.jpg

*allegedly

**I think it’s really out of a movie but she’s the one who always says it.