Notes to self


I was thinking about doing Twitter, because I frequently have random thoughts that would be perfectly suited to Twitter’s über-haiku format. But then I think “what if I only have 2 followers?” and I think I would get depressed about that.

And then I thought about doing Facebook, because even some of my (ahem) uncles have been harassing me about not having a page. But I don’t need something else to suck my time away, and I don’t want to be in touch with anyone from high school except the one I’m in touch with, and I’m not going to be “friending” my boss, so WTF? I can’t even stay in touch with friends in the real world, so now I should be “friends” in the cyberworld?!

I guess I could use it to post pix and what – only – a- parent – thinks – is -perfectly – adorable- ramblings about my dog  (the Poopy Diaper Chronicles?) and do some mini-twitters (something about a wall in FB? Mine would always say ‘Marie/y is walking her dog’), but I hear FB is addictive, and if there’s one thing that someone who quit smoking 6 years, 5 months, and 29 days ago does not need is something to become addicted to.

And then I review my life over the last couple of months, and it’s “all puppy all the time” (“and did I tell you she can stay ‘down’ for more than 10 seconds now? and she has the attention span of a butterfly?”)

yawwwwnnnnn – the Poopy Diaper Chronicles

Or possibly worse, with the exception of a no-holds-barred job hunt to move down South, I am living virtually the same life I was last year at this time: bitching about grass growing in the garden and not in the yard, working too much (although this year I have the punishment of making less money—yeah yeah, I know…at least I have a job–whatever–tell it to my 401k), walking the dog (albeit a new dog) all the time, talking about my grandmother’s Eureka Princess vacuum cleaner (it died btw), wondering where all the flies come from.

Sure there are a few variables, but essentially I am living Groundhog Day. Basically my life has been so rote that I don’t even have the twisted point of view to make fun of it here (or anywhere).

That was also an alarming realization – if nothing else I’ve always had my twisted perspective to see me through…

Add that to the fact that (for reasons out of my control) I haven’t had a vacation this year, nor met several goals I had for myself a year ago, and suffice it to say I had a mini-wakeup call.

So I decided that I’m going to re-frame this time in my life as a time to prepare for what lies ahead. Not that I know what that is mind you, but what I have now isn’t what I had planned…I’m not used to that – I usually meet my goals.

So for now I’m looking for cheap thrills (on every level) and am mixing it up a little: Going into work later, taking 1/2 day off, making more effort to see my friends, getting rid of toxic friends, seeing my cousin’s baby (who I keep calling my niece, but since I don’t see mine I’m adopting this one as my 3rd niece), going a different way to work, etc.

Even taking the dog somewhere different to walk, since I have walked every single street within the surrounding mile and am sick of it all. I now actually frequently drive my dog for a walk. That just seems wrong, but I don’t care. I’ll go stark, raving madder if I have to keep walking the same walk.

But yeah, I’m doing crazy stuff like that. Next thing you know I’ll be trolling for men in bars or something. Anything is possible. I just have to see the possibility through the b.s. I’m swimming in.

note to self: possible book title “Swimming in (Through?) Sh!t” – need subject

But, don’t abandon me dear reader (even those of you who’ve reduced me to your “check once a week” list). Short of an original thought, I have 50+ drafts I can always post, and stay tuned for my new dog treat name and tagline idea.

More to come but in the meantime I’ll be living a the dream.

I’m desperately trying to re-frame this time in my life as a time to prepare for what lies ahead.

<Click here for previous insight on this topic>

-move branches of annuals that are in front of the tomato so the annuals are positioned juuuuust right to allow the proper amount of light through to the tomatoes (guaranteed time-killer if you do it right)

-move bird feeders around to encourage the goldfinches and hummingbirds to come over

-see if you have new tomatoes coming out (yes!)

-see if you have new squash coming out (no)

-look up why squash plant won’t produce

-look up why squash plant has powdery mildew

-take coffee grounds outside and carefully spread

-water plants, carefully re-positioning sprinkler every 10 minutes so that every single plant gets its proper amount of water

-consider how hot Charleston SC must be right now

-figure out how you could take your favorite perennials with you if you ever decide to move (and which ones you’d want to take) and how long they’d last if they traveled in a car vs. a moving van

-walk dog even though she doesn’t want to since it’s 450° outside

-swing on swing set at park and practice those vertigo exercises you’ve been meaning to try for 2 years

-untangle stupid dog who gets between your legs while you are swinging

-seriously consider vacuuming the house

-semi-seriously consider moving the 2 tons of mulch created in easement in front when trees were cut down

-write a blog post about all the ways you could avoid / can avoid / have avoided doing what you really need to do

-play on the ball you use as a chair to see if you can balance on it while laying/lying straight as a board

-keep typing about nothing so you don’t have to post the post and get back to doing what you really need to do but don’t want to really do

I’m playing around with templates (::yawn:: sick of the other one—need some variety) so site will be changing as I have time to do it.

Note to the sistas: SOME of the photos don’t “magnify” when you click on them but plenty do, e.g.-the teeth photos.

Notes about change: photo in the new header is great, but it comes w/the template and lord knows i have enough photos of my own—I should be able to find something that fits me better. Soon. Use ‘It Just Never Stops?’ or ‘it’s never done’? or …?

This template (so I remember it) is called Connections. The old one was Kubrick, and the next ones to try are Garland and Emire.

I can’t figure out how to change the headers on the right—another note to self: contact Support.

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March 1969!

…to my friend Meg DK (not Meg McC) because I sent the bee-atch-iest <edit 1/26> snarkyest (sp?) email to her last night and included everyone on the email she’d sent out. I was responding to one she’d forwarded about yet another “something for nothing” deal that (this time) was about Bill Gates giving money away.

In hindsight, which I often have after the fact, I should’ve just deleted the damn thing and not said anything.

Believe it or not, I have learned over the years, this being one large exception, to shut up more. (No, really. Can you imagine if I really told everyone what I thought all the time? My gawd, I’d have no friends at all!)

I normally “sit with” an idea or a response or a decision for several hours or a day or whatever, before I act upon it. But this time I didn’t.

Despite caring a lot less overall in my life what people think, sometimes I do care what they think, and I guess this is one of those times. <Edit on 1/26: After further consideration I think this is more about regretting my rapid-fire action than about others’ opinions of it, especially given that I still feel that way about those dumb emails. I simply shot this particular messenger in front of an audience.>

It was really nothing personal to her at all, but I just get so sick of these totally implausible emails offering great things that are obviously (to me, anyway) total bullkaka. And I don’t understand why people send them over and over.

Granted, my reaction was comparable to running over a pedestrian who’s walking against the light today yet again, only it’s a different pedestrian every day so if you pick one to run over you’re just running over that one, not making any real point about anything, not changing anything.

All you really end up doing is just p*&*&ing people off and having them think you’re a real bee-atch. <edit 1/26: am used to that by now>

So Meggie, I say it for all to see: I am sorry if I made you feel stupid, because that wasn’t my intent.

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June 1975

 

Note to self:”I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”

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This is most of my reading material for to/from/in Mexico, and I’ve already pruned out a few magazines and books, but still have a couple more to pick up @ the used bookstore (paperbacks, mercifully). Clearly, some additional refinement will be needed.

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Do I seriously think I’m going to get through all these in a week?

Next I will be selecting music and—cliché alert—my, how times have changed.

OK, this is how long I have been doing these winter trips. I’ve progressed from bringing:

  • cassette tapes and a portable tape player to
  • cassettes and a Walkman to
  • cds and a cd player to
  • 512 mg. Micro Muvo N200 (my first, my beloved mp3 player) to my
  • soon-to-be-reformatted 5 (?) gb Zen Neeon, which is still a small dinosaur by today’s standards, but is fine for me.

Admitting your powerlessness

My name is marie/y and i’m a solitaire addict…

Apparently some people are confused because I use initials instead of people’s names.

This is my dilemma: Should readability take precedence over anonymity? Is un-identifiablility more important than identifiablility?

I’ve assumed that most people reading (except some who get to my site via strange, downright weird searches they put into search engines like Google) already know who I’m talking about when I say “J” or “E”, but I now realize that I know all of you, but you may not always know each other.

I want to preserve people’s privacy but want a “relate-able” place where everyone feels like they already know who I’m talking about. I guess I can’t have it both ways.

This being the internet, there are probably 133,000 sites about this topic already, but what the hell, I’ll throw it out there: If I were to mention you here, how would you want to be referrred?

Bidda or B.? The Bid-ster? EDK? My sister related by my ‘being part of the digby family’ sister?

Or do you prefer having a key characteristic assigned to identify you?

For the previously mentioned “Bidda or B.? The Bid-ster? EDK? My sister only related by virtue of my ‘being part of the digby family and hardly ever see but feel close to and love to death, but still am freaked out she’s a grandmother’?” what would your moniker be? (I’d prefer something shorter than the italicized text above…)

Seriously, she brings up something I think a lot about: How do I slice you (or anyone) down to just one characteristic or trait or identifier?! I can’t do that to someone (with the possible exception of the annoying neighbors who probably wouldn’t read this anyway, and if they did they would be sorely p*&^%ed at me for calling them).

Plus, would the “name” I picked totally identify you? Like, say I called you SOMETHING I AM TOTALLY MAKING UP like “my green-haired friend.” Does that “summarize” someone or tell others what they need to know about you? It would make the person easily identifiable (like the green hair wouldn’t?!) but it’s so obvious! And what if I say something negative about your green hair?

Or what if I picked a name for someone but they didn’t even realize it about him/herself? Like “my friend Lorna, who’s got the most annoying voice and that bugs the crap out of me”? Note: I do not know anyone named Lorna.

Such a dilemma. This guy whose blog I love, omarphillips.net, refers to his spouse as (I think) ‘the wife’ and their child as ‘the boy,’ which frankly bugged me at first, but once you “get to know” him (someone I couldn’t pick out of a lineup, whose home city/state are unknown to me, and whose career I don’t know, yet who I feel I know), you realize he’s not doing the clichéd labeling but he”s preserving their privacy while establishing each’s identity that’s not defined by their nicknames.

All right–well, I’m clearly not going to answer this large philosophical question tonight. But as usual, I’ve enjoyed hearing my own tapping on the keyboard and feeling the keys under my fingers.

It’s already 630, 6:45, 7:15, 730, 750. I haven’t had dinner, walked dog, eaten, had dinner, had dinner, started watching my 8 dvds’ worth of backlogged, recorded TV, or made the bed or coffee for tomorrow. Shit. To think I was going to do “nothing” tonight.

—>Cliché alert: Where does the day go? I always run out of time before I run out of things I want to or have to do. Always scrambling and being tired gets tiring…Another topic for another day I guess.

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