Nothing really


Recent text session with friend’s 9-year-old son (using older brother’s phone):

Him: Sup

Me: Gettin’ haircut and dye job. This is John? <ed. note: He has been known to attempt to snow me and say it’s his sister, so I have to verify. Soon to come: secret word>

Him: Yes

Me: Sup with you? Got your homework done? What are the sibs doing? How does your mom like her job? Kiss your dad for me.

Him: Good

What overused simile do you use when a pancake really is “flatter than a pancake” (should be)?

“Flatter than the earth was once thought to have been”?

That’s not exactly an overused simile and it  really doesn’t “flow” either…

The only One reason I like the New Year’s holiday is that you really can’t go wrong. Even if you don’t go out and drink and drive party gather with friends, you can ignore it, stay in, have friends over, pretend it’s just another night, etc.

Also and more important is that you can wish someone “Happy New Year” and not worry about offending their religious / non-religious sensibility; you don’t have to wonder if they celebrate Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Christmas, the winter solstice, Festivus, druidism, etc.

Everyone can relate to wishes for a happy new year: if the past year sucked they will appreciate good wishes since they are looking forward to better things, and if things are going well then you’re just wishing them more of the same.

It’s a win-win! So Happy New Year.

Oh that summer foliage fades and falls fast

and then freezing flurries follow.

It’s all so foreboding and it effs with my fortitude.

I feel like fleeing to Fiji.

It cracks me up that the media has actually wondered if the public would go through a “post-election depression (PED)” now that the 2 years of hell bullsh@@ campaigning is finally over. I’ve heard this in more than one place now, so it’s not just one network or radio network saying this either.

The media is kindly helping us avoid PED by making recommendations about what kind of puppy the first family should get, how there haven’t been young kids in the WH since the Kennedys, and my personal favorite: how Bush wants the transition to be as smooth as possible (which they say for every incoming president).

Hell yes Bush wants a “smooth transition.” He’s probably got his bags packed, his running shoes on, and is sitting by the door just in case there’s an early dismissal. You know he can’t wait to get out of there…

Anyway, I hope you’re not going through any “post-election depression.” Personally, I’m glad to not have to hear McCain saying “my friends” anymore. Man that got old. I have friends, Mr. McCain, I’ve known friends. And you Mr. McCain, are not my friend.

So no, I won’t be going through any PED. I have a feeling the only people going through PED are media program directors who have to actually look for new stories or – wait a minute! What about re-visiting some old ones? Like Iraq?!

It’s funny. I don’t think I’ve never been particularly “political” (unless asked). I usually avoid talking politics. It’s like talking about religion: you never change someone’s mind. You just end up pi@@ed off at each other.

With the potential for history to be made, the hope (Obama especially) engendered, the fact that Bush couldn’t run again (proving there must be a God), and the fact that we “sophisticated evolved people from our developed country” are involved in a WAR in the 21st century (which seems so primitive), and probably because I have a blog to rant on, I’m writing about politics. So I guess I’m political. I actually got a yard sign this year.

Granted, it was from a guy who had 200 signs he was supposed to get rid of (he got a phone list from the County ELECTION Board, which seems so wrong). So yes I made his life easier, but I still took it eagerly when offered. And I saved one person from getting a political phone call, which should elevate me to sainthood.

Anyway, it was an unforgettable night and my friend Susan was in Grant Park that night! I’ll upload and append a photo of her here as soon as I get to work tomorrow, since it’s in my work email.

And of course, i will do this on my own free time and not bill out for “brief periods of time spent doing personal things.”

My friend Susan at the rally:

slobral

Poor Michelle Obama. This Harvard-educated high-powered lawyer is being shown the residence of the White House tomorrow while her husband gets to listen to CIA updates. I’d go screaming mad if I were her but have a feeling she’ll make a mark too.

Well, I have no real ending for this rambling post but I think we can all agree on one thing: We do not have “post-election depression.” This is because we glad the @@@@ campaign is over. I know: It’s inconceivable to the media but it’s true!

Hell, Satan could’ve been elected this year and it would still be better than the past 8 years. Or wait: maybe Satan was in office for the past 8 years? Hmmm.

Sometimes I make myself laugh…

Out of all the olympic games/sports, I love gymnastics and diving the most. Swimming, running, rowing…borrrinnng.

But if I see diving and/or gymnastics then I’m in. The grace, strength, flexibility and fluidity are simply amazing (like I have to tell you).

Anyway, I must be watching it too much: I realized that I have the “ability” to see the little things, the imperfections: “Ooh, a little off-center there.” “He fell?!” “That back flip on the balance beam wasn’t as extended as it should’ve been,” etc.

Then the crack wore off and I realized, “Helloooo?! You can’t do more than 3 push-ups, this year was the first time you could do the breast stroke without your whole center sinking to the bottom, and you haven’t even been to the gym in 2 months.”

In other words, what the hell gives me the right to be critiquing anyone?! I laughed when I realized this.

But (positive spin coming) that’s when I realized I could use my powers for good and that I’d be a good olympic judge (or a TV commentator** for that matter). I could pull the most minute faults out of a seemingly flawless performance to point out what the athlete “should” be doing.

I have the ability to see the finer details that most people miss. What can I say? It’s a blessing and a curse.

^

**Have you ever really considered the word “commentator”? Why isn’t it just called a “commenter”? One can comment but can one “commentate”? Is that a word?

1. This horoscope comes courtesy of my pager: “Too many choices have you feeling confused and cornered.” OK, this is definitely true. I think. I don’t know.
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2. Here’s the newspaper version for today: “Decisions made yesterday flow into positive actions today. Your mind is ignited with pro-active ideas to bring about your desired changes and you will focus much energy in this direction. There is little patience for trivial matters yet you will find a touching moment comes to you unexpectedly that brings healing to an old concern.”
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OK, similar theme about changes…and I’d like to think I’ll have a touching moment, and of course who wouldn’t want to “bring healing to an old concern”? I rate this one “too generic and fortune cookie-like, but with a hint of truth that anyone could relate to.”
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3. Next, an online version: “The string of fiddly and unsettling lunar aspects brings with it a significant increase in your emotional intensity. This could be very beneficial if you are in a new relationship. If you are single or in an established relationship you may need to keep a grip on any emotional outbursts!”
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Well I’m always emotionally intense so it’s hard to imagine it increasing unless I have a full-out breakdown or go postal, both of which I hope to avoid. God knows the relationship part is n/a, and yet there’s that pesky mention of change (i.e.-“unsettling lunar aspects”) but what the hell does that even mean? I vote that horoscope as a “not true.”
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4. And finally, from another online source: “You shouldn’t be shy about speaking up today — people are listening, even if they don’t appear to be. Your ability to impress them with the force of ideas alone is remarkable and valuable.”
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Right, like I’ve ever been accused of being too shy to speak up…It’s too soon in the day to know if this one is accurate, so I’m rating it a “???”
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Well, there it is. An unscientific comparison of an unscientific genre made by an unscientific person.

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