Ted Drewes

Here’s my FB entry: I don’t know if I should be proud or ashamed of this, but Ted D’s was closing because of IMPENDING bad weather (what is UP with closing because it MIGHT snow?!). I put my face on the window and tapped and they opened back up for me!!

Here’s what I didn’t tell them that only you get to see because you care enough to read this.

I drove up, saw the exterior lights all off, screeched the car to a halt and put my emergency lights on. Oh yes I did.

I then ran up to the window, where some hapless soul was just standing, waiting for them to “notice” him (HA! Dude, it’s the city).

I was thinking to myself “Oh no they are NOT going to close early just 3 days before they close for the season, especially when they’ll for sure be closed tomorrow because we’ll have 2″ of snow on the ground and tomorrow is my only REAL excuse for going there (7 years no cigarettes).”

So I excused my butting ahead of hapless man, tapped on the window, and put my face on the window. Judy saw me, said to open up, and I graciously let the guy in front of me go first.

Then a couple came up: “No!! Are they closing?” I’m surprised I’ve never seen them before since they said they get depressed during the “closed” season (which lasts all of 3 weeks), implying they go there a lot. Anyway, being nice, Judy said she’d serve them too.

Not being totally selfish, I asked everyone to kneel down so people on the street wouldn’t see us and drive up (they have the wind break thing up so you can’t see the bottom 1/2 of someone).

Believe it or not a couple of them did kneel down. I mean come on, it’s the least we could do, right?

The hapless soul didn’t kneel down, but when he asked how come they opened up for me and I told him why (will let you fill in the blanks on that answer), he did pay me a compliment by saying “No way do you come here that often.”

God bless him. He’s hapless but not stupid I guess…

So hopefully the kind souls at TD’s are outta there by now, waiting for the weather event that might occur.


…writing about your latest breakup. Posting MRI scans on it does not increase your traffic, though. As Omar’s comment implied in here: Another one bites the dust…, I’m apparently not unique in having a CD of my brain. (I know—it was hard to absorb that. Is having your brain MRI on CD becoming cliché?)

Anyway, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that it’ll be a while until I post about my next latest breakup.

That’s because I’m becoming:

  • a re-born-again virgin
  • lesbian
  • Buddhist monk
  • who lives by herself on a deserted island
  • with only:
    • Pina Coladas
    • a rechargeable music player
    • infinite amount of reading material
    • an on-call boy toy (me a lesbian*–who am I kidding?! <–*not that there’s anything wrong with that)
    • unlimited funds to fly in a friend or relative periodically to bring me Ted Drewes and stay ’til we’re sick of each other

–>Off-topic: You would not believe the number of hits I get for Ted Drewes. If I got a free Oreo extra Oreo for every hit on “Ted Drewes,” I’d weigh about 500 lbs. They really need to get a website.

With just the above, I do believe I’d be set.

  • Oh, add a toilet, potable water and a cook.

I’m still at the weep-weep –>IHopeYouGetTheToledoSize KidneyStone –>I knew this was coming, so why didn’t I do it then? –> weep-weep –> Thoughts I’m not willing to share but have to do with sex if you really must know –> weep weep –> IHopeYouGetTheToledoSize KidneyStone –> weep-weep –>I miss him. –>weep weep –> ToledoSize KidneyStone –> I’m relieved –> No more dating ever again –> I knew it’d never work so why didn’t I break it off –> oh I’ll be fine –> weep weep –> oh goody I don’t have to shave until summer! –> vicious circle that keeps going ’round and ’round until I distract myself phase.

Unfortunately for me, unlike The ExMan and a few other XMen come to think of it (like the one who forgot to tell me we were done before he started dating again—doncha hate when you forget to do stuff like that?!), I can’t just come to a relationshipy decision, execute it, then walk away cleanly and unemotionally. <3/9 I just remembered an exception – I did do it once.>

I have to understand why, go through the vicious circle for a while (this one’ll hopefully be short since we weren’t together long), then swear off men (again).

I’m also specifically swearing off Virgo men (again). I hate to generalize (not to mention acknowledge an affinity to horoscopes) but me+Virgo=NoGo.

And I’m not saying they’re a-holes, mind you (although I say it plenty while I’m still in the vicious circle). These have been wonderful, funny, usually good-hearted intelligent men.

I keep going for the Virgos, but no more. I have really learned my lesson this time. I’ve already told my friends to just shoot me if I ever even talk about one again. I mean it. I’m inherently attracted to them, yet it’s a guaranteed destruction in the making.

But anyway, back to the major point here–have had major spikes in traffic, but only a few clicks on the MRI images. I’d thought more people would want to see either them or the witty comments I inserted but no, not so much…

Here’s another opportunity though. I just think it’s really cool (and am apparently one of few that thinks this) to have dozens of images of the inside of your brain.

I have pictures of where all of my (over-thinking highly-attuned thinking) originates! I can watch the cd and see images of my brain changing over time.

I think it’s fascinating, but maybe I think it’s fascinating the same way new parents think their baby’s first fart is fascinating.

But don’t tell me that right now, ok? Just play along, cheer me up a little, leave a comment, and agree that these are — without a doubt — the most interesting, life-altering images you have ever seen:



I am a recovering:

*shoe whore


*”drown my sorrows in material goods” kind of person

*smoker (5 years, 27 days but who’s counting)

*stickler for a clean house (you’d never guess that now, would you?)

*overall perfectionist (no comment)

*Ted-Drewes-aholic (OK, who am I kidding?! That’s a bald-faced lie. I’m only “in recovery” because they’re closed for the season.)

*a dog-not-carer-abouter

The world not being an “all or nothing” kind of world, I have been more successful in “maintaining recovery” in some of the above than in others.

Gadget-getting is a prime example: I still have the same TV I bought in 1990 and I don’t have cable, but am about to get my 34th cell phone, have two mp3 players that I seldom use and will have a 3rd one when I get my cool new phone next week.

images.jpg + imagestraw.jpg = image.jpg

It’s been 5 years today that I quit smoking cigarettes.

Granted, just yesterday I chewed the plastic out of a coffee stirrer but it wasn’t a cigarette.

I always get a Ted Drewes “Oreo concrete extra Oreo” concrete on my “anniversary”* but they had the nerve to close for the season after yesterday (i.e.-when I really “need” them).

So not only did I have an anticipatory concrete on Friday, but The Man got us some last night for dessert.

Well, technically he got himself a concrete and me a kiddy hot fudge sundae and an “Oreo concrete extra Oreo” concrete, but I ate the hot fudge sundae last night (which was Sunday after all), and managed to decided to save the concrete for tonight.

Do you want to know how I did it? So do I.

I just take it one day at a time, remember how restarting the last time didn’t make me feel any better, and I eat a lot. And cry more easily. And honk and yell at other drivers a lot more (just like Emily!).

Anyone who’s been around me long enough knows that I still love how cigarettes smell when they’re being smoked. I’ll sometimes say “let’s have a cigarette” to a family member/friend, but that’s code for “you smoke and I’ll inhale.”

Yeah, I know it’s weird.

Especially because cigarette smoke repelled me all the other times I’ve quit. Go figure.

It’s the hardest relationship I’ve ever gotten out of. Like an abusive spouse it frequently begs me to take it back, but so far I’ve resisted.

Yay me!

*and no, you smart a__, my anniversary isn’t “almost every day” during their open season. The purpose of those concretes is “thirst quencher,” “cool me down”er, and/or “nutritional supplement.” That’s way different than this special anniversary version.

Some holiday foods I’ve had this week:

  • chocolate-covered pretzels (dark and light!)
  • bacon—lots of bacon (more than usual)
  • special varietal of brown sugar-coated bacon
  • homemade donuts (deep-fried, drained, and dipped in sugar)
  • ice cream (not seasonal but I’ve eaten a lot)
  • Ted Drewes frozen custard (not ice cream) (see above)
  • chili-cheese dip with scoopable Fritos
  • ham (see above)
  • bacon-covered shrimp
  • mini-beef Wellingtons (really just mini-croissants with a dollop of meat)
  • potato slices cooked in some buttery stuff
  • misc. chocolates from my Xmas stocking
  • too many kinds of cookies to list
  • buffalo chicken dip and chips for
  • white cheese-chicken pizza
  • alcohol summary: Bacardi fruity-somethings in a juice and white soda punch; bloody maries; Kahlua (sp?)

I need to go back to work so I can stick to chocolate and weekly apple fritters. I’m gonna blow up (in more ways than one) if I keep this up.

That title doesn’t look right. It’s not like it’s imperative you know these things right now; it’s more that I would like you to understand what’s going on in my head right now. Being the wordy person I am, it just came out that way and now I think I’m stuck with it.

I guess I could change it to (say) “Right now: what you need to know about me,” which sounds like every book that’s come on the market in the past 5 years. Have you noticed that? More and more have this format— “EXCITING TITLE <colon>: a really long explanation about what the book is actually about that’s rarely less than 2 clauses long.”

Anyway, back to my real point—me:

-I have either the plague or a cold. Remember how I said I hadn’t been eating well or sleeping enough? (See the last What you need to know about me right now). Yeah, well despite 2 whole nights in a row of 8 1/2—9 hours sleep I am sick. I am biserable.

-Ironically, today it’s 4 years 11 months since I quit smoking “to increase my health.” (That’s worked out well, hasn’t it?) I still managed to gulp down eat my anniversary Ted Drewes Concrete to also “increase the amount of fluids in my system” (Oreo extra Oreo, for those who want to bring me one on my death sick bed).

-Work is not easing up even though my cellmate cubemate and I were told that “things really quiet down in Dec.” We’re thinking they must mean it’s quiet on Dec. 25.

-I am 44 years old and my mother had to call me and “gently remind” me to return the RSVP to my uncle’s wedding. That is just beyond sad and lame on my part.

-For the last several dozen few years I’ve put something like this on RSVPs (when I finally do return them) under ‘number of guests’: “One, but I reserve the right to bring a husband/significant other should I find one between now and your event.” Well, how fun that I just returned an RSVP and didn’t have to include my standard note. NO I’m not married, but I am going with my sig ot.

-Why is it that I want to buy myself more presents right now instead of presents for others?! This happens every year. I can think of 50 things I want but have I started thinking about what others want? No, not so much.


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