When you’ve been single as long as I have, and especially at “this” age, you see men and their signals differently than when you were younger.

First, you SEE the signals in the first place. Younger me: “What?! You like me? I thought we were just friends.” Duh – he hand-delivered flowers, makes you custom mix cassettes and gives you his artwork. I was so dense then.

But now I see differently.

Here are the typical signals when I look at a man or (god forbid) engage one in a non-meaningful, “I’m killin’ time in line” conversation.

It sometimes seems to be interpreted as an “I want you now baby” or “I want to have your baby” look/conversation even though I’m just killing time.

How can I tell?

a. Well, they don’t look at me: “I’m married and not supposed to look at you even though I just want to look.”

b. They talk to you briefly but make it clear in approx. 2 sentences that they are married (apparently never considering the fact that maybe I am not INTERESTED in you; I am just making conversation in a line).

c. Most rare of all: You are interested in them and/or they look at you and/or show interest.

Just to show you how out of practice I am with c. Twice in the past few months I’ve had men express interest and/or give me a longer look that one who’s married would ever do (because they’re so busy averting their glances).

With the presumably-interested ones, I almost ran from the first one and could not meet the other’s eyes.

I run away! Where is my smart ass self when I really need it?!

-Ted Drewes open a bonus day – discovered while driving home from Target, source of my second cheap thrill…

-These cool handle thingies instead of a bag:

-Clean house (okay well except for the dining room table) for the first time in months

-Didn’t have to yell at Fanny a lot today

-Uploaded my 1st video (to Facebook in this case but coming here soon)

-Making some chicken and potatoes with my own homemade pesto

That’s enough. There were a couple more but you probably don’t care that I finally washed my area rugs (again, for the 1st time in months).

I’m so thrilled I hope I can sleep tonight.

I finally made a New Year’s resolution.

I think I can keep it, but check with me in another few months. The success rate for New Year’s resolutions is apparently quite low. Here it is:

I will throw Q-tips into the trash can right away instead of just setting them on the sink.

Every year for Xmas our (sibs and parents’) stockings contain a useful product that varies from year to year.

It’s become a joke of sorts (maybe you have to be there). Some past useful product stocking stuffers have been:

-paper clips

-masking tape

-scotch tape (This one lasted for at least 5 years.)

-super glue

-pens

For the past few years it’s been super glue. This year I got THREE tubes of it (to add to the 2 still left from last year).

Did you know super glue has a limited lifespan? I’d forgotten until I tried both of my super glues and re-remembered (from previous occasions) that they dry up pretty easily.

Both tubes I already had were solidly glued to themselves, even though one had never even been opened.

So tonight, as part of cleanup efforts, I tried to do some misc. tasks, including re-glueing my favorite spatula (wood and silicone).

I was going to give my extra tubes of glue to the Habitat for Humanity Re-Store this year, but luckily (or so I thought), the Re-Store was closed the week I was going to drop off a bunch of stuff, so I still had the 3 tubes I got this year.

Go down to the basement and get them all (I don’t know why I got all of them either) and selected the tube that didn’t require me to go find a pin to open it. I chose the one with the pin built into the lid.

Except it turned out I didn’t need it. When I opened the tube a whole bunch of super glue oozed out on various parts of fingers (and the stereotypical between the fingers) and onto the table.

Oops. Someone inadvertently gave me an open one. Easy to happen considering whoever gave them to us this year must have had at least 15 tubes they gave away (assuming everyone else also got 3).

Well having my priorities in line, I quickly separated the fingers and glued the damn spatula.

I then assessed the damage: 4 finger tips, between 2 fingers, 1 knuckle, on the table, and the bonus napkin pieces stuck to 2x 3 of the 4 finger tips (I had grabbed the napkin in order to prevent the finger tips from getting goop on them – HA!).

After finding the minutely-written “Caution” box and reading the ‘how to remove’ instructions from underneath my brand new glasses that are but one of 4 pairs with the the OLD prescription in the lenses because they used the wrong script to fill and refill my lenses, I learned that I had to SOAK my “affected areas” (except around the eyes) in nail polish remover.

It’s just a particularly noxious chemical that I try to avoid using unless needed, but hey — desperate measures and all that.

I soaked everything (except the table) but guess what? I got only part of 1 of the napkins to come off, and only by gently peeling while praying to god I wouldn’t remove 4 layers of skin.

The polish remover didn’t work. The tube says water will remove it gradually over the next several days.

Know why the nail polish remover didn’t work? Because ‘keep it less toxic if possible’ Marie/y got the polish remover without acetone.

Sigh…

So I have this super glue on 4 finger tips (including in the cracks of the skin – not dry cracks, just cracks I’d never noticed before I got super glue in them), on a knuckle, and still between the fingers (not stuck together but on 2 fingers). Screw the table.

I also now have really dry hands and finger tips I probably don’t have to worry about being frost-bitten for the next ??? # of days.

But by golly my favorite spatula is re-glued.

x

Here’s my FB entry: I don’t know if I should be proud or ashamed of this, but Ted D’s was closing because of IMPENDING bad weather (what is UP with closing because it MIGHT snow?!). I put my face on the window and tapped and they opened back up for me!!

Here’s what I didn’t tell them that only you get to see because you care enough to read this.

I drove up, saw the exterior lights all off, screeched the car to a halt and put my emergency lights on. Oh yes I did.

I then ran up to the window, where some hapless soul was just standing, waiting for them to “notice” him (HA! Dude, it’s the city).

I was thinking to myself “Oh no they are NOT going to close early just 3 days before they close for the season, especially when they’ll for sure be closed tomorrow because we’ll have 2″ of snow on the ground and tomorrow is my only REAL excuse for going there (7 years no cigarettes).”

So I excused my butting ahead of hapless man, tapped on the window, and put my face on the window. Judy saw me, said to open up, and I graciously let the guy in front of me go first.

Then a couple came up: “No!! Are they closing?” I’m surprised I’ve never seen them before since they said they get depressed during the “closed” season (which lasts all of 3 weeks), implying they go there a lot. Anyway, being nice, Judy said she’d serve them too.

Not being totally selfish, I asked everyone to kneel down so people on the street wouldn’t see us and drive up (they have the wind break thing up so you can’t see the bottom 1/2 of someone).

Believe it or not a couple of them did kneel down. I mean come on, it’s the least we could do, right?

The hapless soul didn’t kneel down, but when he asked how come they opened up for me and I told him why (will let you fill in the blanks on that answer), he did pay me a compliment by saying “No way do you come here that often.”

God bless him. He’s hapless but not stupid I guess…

So hopefully the kind souls at TD’s are outta there by now, waiting for the weather event that might occur.

I just love how Hill Rock describes its crimes in the weekly crime report area of the local (really local) rag.

Recent submissions:

Officers on patrol Dec. 9 observed two local pharmaceutical peddlers hawking their wares in the frigid weather on the Hill Rock  side of <removed> Avenue. This being a big no-no, the dedicated officer left his vehicle and gave chase to the scoundrels. The bad guys had a head start, however, and left the officer in their dust as they disappeared in between houses to the east.

This being a big no-no?  gave chase to the scoundrels? left the officer in their dust? Granted I’m easily amused but that is just not what you’d normally expect from the police blotter. So much personality!

Here’s another one:

…officers on patrol caught several capricious youths standing around in the middle of the 600 block of <same street as above!>. It seemed that the kids were up to no good, so the officers advised them to move on before they could pull any shenanigans.

Shenanigans?! I guess it must have been Officer Seamus O’Brien on duty that night.

So Fanny and Java “met” this summer. I’ve known Java’s people for a while but Java’s only about 10 mos. old. And big. She’s a Cattasomethingorother. Brown with little white spots and soft fur. Whatever.  Doesn’t matter.

She and Fanny run around at the (non-dog) park, play in our back yards, etc. (Note the locations have always been outside.)

So I took Fanny for a walk around the corner in a desperate attempt to burn off some energy off her crazy selfxto wish Janet & Greg a Merry Xmas, and we found out the hard way that Java is a bit – uh – territorial inside her home.

She attacked Fanny and didn’t just make her whimper or yell out, but really cry for a few seconds. She was shaking and everything…

Anyway, we got the eff outta there x left pretty soon after that and took a walk and all was well in FannyLand.

The next day I opened the door to find a bag with a treat for Fanny and the following note:

That note makes me smile every time I think of it, and judging by the wrinkles in it, you can probably tell I have been showing it to everyone.